Hate

06 Feb 2025 Leave a comment

by AKS in Abuse, Ego, Emotional abuse, Human doormat, Memories, Pain, Sad Tags: , ,

I know your hate for me has creeped up the walls of your heart

but if there is any wall that is available

let me know, so I cut that creepy vine 

and plant something more appealing there 

Aks

Time

02 Feb 2025 Leave a comment

by AKS in Abuse, Abusive relation, Emotional abuse, Energy suckers, Pain Tags: , , , ,

Usually time pass by paying no heed to anything or anyone, but that day, it stopped for a second, looked at me and started laughing pointing its finger towards me, saying, you are so stupid, don’t you know , never share your feelings with anyone, now that you have made the mistake , you will be punished .

I was sitting in my chair looking outside , trying to make sense of what was going on, suddenly, time started to wrap it self around my heart, squeezing it, I felt suffocated unable to breath, I don’t know how long it continued, I felt at mercy of time, finally time let go of my heart.

I know now, to be extra careful, no one is worthy of trust. People want what they want and once taken they move on. If you let them enter your heart, they will enter with dirty shows and then blame you of being dirty .

Ak

Use that anger inside

22 Feb 2021 1 Comment

by AKS in Abuse, Abusive relation, Childhood trauma, Difficulties, Emotional abuse, Emotional black mail, Energy suckers, Human doormat, Pain, Stuck in relationship, Taken for granted, Unable to leave the relationship Tags: , , , , ,

My hands are bleeding

The rope is cutting through my skin

I am tired and my grip is losening

I can’t let go, I won’t let go

My eyes are closing

I think I am passing out

Its dark all around

No light, no help

Yes keep climbing

I can feel the cold dampness on my skin

the stench of something rotten

perhaps someone who was holding on

has finally given up

But I am not ready

I won’t fall

I ll fight till my last breath

You can’t take it away from me

Suddenly the anger awakens

And hands start to move

One after another

Let me out of this Hell

AK~

Doorway​

12 Nov 2018 Leave a comment

by AKS in Abuse, Abusive relation, Difficulties, Emotional abuse, Emotional black mail, Human doormat, Life, Sad, Stuck in relationship, Taken for granted, Unable to leave the relationship, Uncategorized

Keyboard is the doorway that let me out for fresh air. I, who like to stay within the walls of my heart along with my pain, I sometimes get suffocated when once in a while you come along and knock on my door, making me realize its been ages since I have stepped outside.  But now my eyes can’t stand the light, it takes a while before I can see all my scares and some raw wounds which have already gone infected poisoning me gradually taking me towards my grave.

Its easier to stay within the walls of my heart, where I can’t see what is happening to me, pain has taught me to become numb.  That is why,  you think I can’t feel anymore, and I am distant. Maybe I can’t let the door open, Maybe I am afraid to let you see me, or Maybe I am afraid to see my own myself , Maybe I will lose the strength to go on, and courage will be snatched away from me , You see pain is a ferocious beast with long sharp teeth and big claws, as long as I stay hidden and numb, I can still survive.