Use that anger inside

22 Feb 2021 1 Comment

by AKS in Abuse, Abusive relation, Childhood trauma, Difficulties, Emotional abuse, Emotional black mail, Energy suckers, Human doormat, Pain, Stuck in relationship, Taken for granted, Unable to leave the relationship Tags: , , , , ,

My hands are bleeding

The rope is cutting through my skin

I am tired and my grip is losening

I can’t let go, I won’t let go

My eyes are closing

I think I am passing out

Its dark all around

No light, no help

Yes keep climbing

I can feel the cold dampness on my skin

the stench of something rotten

perhaps someone who was holding on

has finally given up

But I am not ready

I won’t fall

I ll fight till my last breath

You can’t take it away from me

Suddenly the anger awakens

And hands start to move

One after another

Let me out of this Hell

AK~

Dark Corner

02 Oct 2019 Leave a comment

by AKS in Emotional abuse, Emotional black mail, Energy suckers, Human doormat, Life, Loving You, Memories, Note From My Diary, Recovery after divorce, Stuck in relationship, Taken for granted, Unable to leave the relationship, Uncategorized, Your Thoughts

Sometimes

I find myself

Sitting at the bottom

In that dark corner

In my Mind

Its cold

The floor is hard

Space is tight

Walls are old

Paint chipping off

Someone has scribbled underneath

But I can’t read what

I am trying

To get up

I want some light

Fresh air

A hand to hold on to

But I can’t move

Because I have no energy, no will

May be

I don’t care any more

[ AK ]

 

Doorway​

12 Nov 2018 Leave a comment

by AKS in Abuse, Abusive relation, Difficulties, Emotional abuse, Emotional black mail, Human doormat, Life, Sad, Stuck in relationship, Taken for granted, Unable to leave the relationship, Uncategorized

Keyboard is the doorway that let me out for fresh air. I, who like to stay within the walls of my heart along with my pain, I sometimes get suffocated when once in a while you come along and knock on my door, making me realize its been ages since I have stepped outside.  But now my eyes can’t stand the light, it takes a while before I can see all my scares and some raw wounds which have already gone infected poisoning me gradually taking me towards my grave.

Its easier to stay within the walls of my heart, where I can’t see what is happening to me, pain has taught me to become numb.  That is why,  you think I can’t feel anymore, and I am distant. Maybe I can’t let the door open, Maybe I am afraid to let you see me, or Maybe I am afraid to see my own myself , Maybe I will lose the strength to go on, and courage will be snatched away from me , You see pain is a ferocious beast with long sharp teeth and big claws, as long as I stay hidden and numb, I can still survive.

 

Engraved Relation

20 Nov 2017 Leave a comment

by AKS in Love, Loving You, Memories, Sad, Stuck in relationship, Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

When we form deep emotional relationships / connections early on in our life, they get engraved on the surface of our brain through the neurons, and then, no matter how hard we try we cant erase them.

But there is a possibility of forming a new image in the vicinity which can be more appealing to the minds eye and so we can learn not to pay attention to old image .

How ever the image remains and when we come face to face with those early relations, that old image light up like a full moon at night, leaving us staring at it quietly as we relive the old memories …

I now know, no matter what, I can not erase that image on your brain. So I might as well accept it, and move on .

My image on your brain will gradually fade away as the dust of time covers it , while the old image regain its colors, every time you talk to that relation, you polish the image making it shine more …..

Lots of things in life are beyond our control, and this is one of those things.