Use that anger inside

22 Feb 2021 1 Comment

by AKS in Abuse, Abusive relation, Childhood trauma, Difficulties, Emotional abuse, Emotional black mail, Energy suckers, Human doormat, Pain, Stuck in relationship, Taken for granted, Unable to leave the relationship Tags: , , , , ,

My hands are bleeding

The rope is cutting through my skin

I am tired and my grip is losening

I can’t let go, I won’t let go

My eyes are closing

I think I am passing out

Its dark all around

No light, no help

Yes keep climbing

I can feel the cold dampness on my skin

the stench of something rotten

perhaps someone who was holding on

has finally given up

But I am not ready

I won’t fall

I ll fight till my last breath

You can’t take it away from me

Suddenly the anger awakens

And hands start to move

One after another

Let me out of this Hell

AK~

Dark Corner

02 Oct 2019 Leave a comment

by AKS in Emotional abuse, Emotional black mail, Energy suckers, Human doormat, Life, Loving You, Memories, Note From My Diary, Recovery after divorce, Stuck in relationship, Taken for granted, Unable to leave the relationship, Uncategorized, Your Thoughts

Sometimes

I find myself

Sitting at the bottom

In that dark corner

In my Mind

Its cold

The floor is hard

Space is tight

Walls are old

Paint chipping off

Someone has scribbled underneath

But I can’t read what

I am trying

To get up

I want some light

Fresh air

A hand to hold on to

But I can’t move

Because I have no energy, no will

May be

I don’t care any more

[ AK ]

 

I ll still be

30 Sep 2019 1 Comment

by AKS in Life, Love, Loving You, Memories, Note From My Diary, Taken for granted, Uncategorized, Your Thoughts

When I am no more

I ll still be

In the warmth of Sun during the month of winter

Hugging you softly

Kissing your cheeks

And as you close your eyes

Because its too bright

You will find me sitting next to you

Holding your hand

And when you smile in that moment

Find me in the corner of  your Lips

[ AK ]

Doorway​

12 Nov 2018 Leave a comment

by AKS in Abuse, Abusive relation, Difficulties, Emotional abuse, Emotional black mail, Human doormat, Life, Sad, Stuck in relationship, Taken for granted, Unable to leave the relationship, Uncategorized

Keyboard is the doorway that let me out for fresh air. I, who like to stay within the walls of my heart along with my pain, I sometimes get suffocated when once in a while you come along and knock on my door, making me realize its been ages since I have stepped outside.  But now my eyes can’t stand the light, it takes a while before I can see all my scares and some raw wounds which have already gone infected poisoning me gradually taking me towards my grave.

Its easier to stay within the walls of my heart, where I can’t see what is happening to me, pain has taught me to become numb.  That is why,  you think I can’t feel anymore, and I am distant. Maybe I can’t let the door open, Maybe I am afraid to let you see me, or Maybe I am afraid to see my own myself , Maybe I will lose the strength to go on, and courage will be snatched away from me , You see pain is a ferocious beast with long sharp teeth and big claws, as long as I stay hidden and numb, I can still survive.